she forgot her glasses!!!

fuck

It is waking up in the morning and not being able to get her out of my head...

It is thinking her arms are around me but then realizing it was a blanket...

It is feeling like my heart is going to explode whenever I look at her picture...

It is wanting to cry when I hear a song that isn't even sad...

It is not caring that I don't do go socialize, knowing that I can call and she will be there...

It is when I get a mix tape that is worth a hundred letters...

It is remembering the best summer of my life...

It is a constant picture of her smile in my mind...

It is driving in a red Honda Civic, with no destination...

It is simply knowing that she is the best think that has ever happened to me...

I just had the best visit ever. I love ashley so much. And she made my weekend so wonderful. I just want to know what my *surprise* is going to be. Honestly I am surprised that she didn't give in and tell me. But that's okay, surprises are good. THank you ashley. I love you and you are the best girlfriend ever. I hope everything is okay there. Call me when you can.

So I don't think I like my Anthro Professor. I just got out of the test. There were 50 questions and I *might* have answered 20 of them with confidence. I flat out guessed on another 20 and had it narrowed down to a couple answers for the rest of them. So pretty much, I failed. God I really want to get good grades this quarter, because that's probably the only thing they will look at for financial aid next year. So I just need to do really fucking good the rest of the quarter in this class so I can get mayber an a-. God this sucks. The study guide for the tests said to know the meanings of terms and shit, but over half of the questions on the exam were like specific case study ones. My fucking professor didn't even tell us to study the right things...

What the hell. Why dis Captain Janeway become an Admiral at Starfleet Command. Picard is by far a better captain, and has served with Starfleet way longer than Janeway. So what I want to know is why the hell Picard is still a captain (although a damn good one) and Janeway (as much as I like her) became an admiral. That is fucked up and backwards. God... I forgot how much I loved Star Trek.

Clayton out...

God I am an ideot. I feel so stupid sometimes, no doubt I appear much stupider than I feel to myself.

Erase those last. they dont matter. i am ok. just stupid sometimes

I hate myself sometimes its like I have no control over my emotions and I think like a fucking 10 year old kid. I can't stop it either. I just associate whatever is bugging me with the notion that Ashley probably loves me less. That is the reason that she left to go watch a movie when she told me i could call her at 9. That is why it is more important to go watch the o.c. instead of talk to me.

and it doesn't change, I get likt this and it is the same as the last time. but she doesnt love me any less, but just knowing that doesnt matter. she loves me less, that is the reason why she cant find the fucking time to write back a decent email when i spend 25 minutes writing a really long message. That is why she wont sign back on to talk to me and reassure me. fuck fuck fuck i hate this i hate myself sometimes anf di want to not be like i amq.

God I get like this sometimes and I hate it. For no apparent reason I feel like things come crashing down at me and I can't stop them. The one person I want to talk to and that can help me feel better is off making other plans with people I've never met, and I freak out. I wanted to come back as planned and talk at nine, but now I can't. I want to be fine and not worry about the fact that she hasn't been available to talk at nine since I got back to Bellingham, but I freak out about it any way. And I shake, my whole body just trembles and it makes no sense at all. I just need a little time.